Everything Chapter 2

AN: New chapter! This chapter is not very good, but whatever. If I make up to 4 chapters, I will make a better plot summary and full pairings list. I am trying to keep this all as cannon as possible, so if you notice anything, I would really really like to know! Oh, and I am sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.

I love reviews! I hardly get any, but when I do they make me dance! (Which is rare)

WARNINGS: Slash, if you don’t like, read and tell me you think it is disgusting. I love reviews like that! And I don’t own anything, if I did, I wouldn’t have to watch Keira Knightly from afar, I could simply BUY her!

Sirius was not happy. Well, he had never really been happy, but now especially. His mother was standing by the front door, tapping her foot, while his father was sitting in his car, no doubt watching the seconds tick by on his pocket watch. Seconds and seconds of disappointment. Tick tick tick. It all made Sirius want to vomit. He was going away from all this! All of it! Then why wasn’t he happier? Because he knew what was going to happen once that hat shouted “Slytherin!” - He was going to become his father. Just like him. He looked into Regulus’ room, the door of which was cracked open slightly. He was still sleeping. Sirius sighed, lazy bones.

Sirius had never really been a part of his family. Not that this was much to boast about, he would like to see anyone really be a part of this family. His mother spent half her time sleeping around and the other half screaming at him and his brother, while his father didn’t spend enough time with his children to do anything at all to them. All his father seemed interested in doing was sitting alone in his study, staring at his pocket watch as time slowly ticked by. He reminded Sirius of a character called Captain Hook, whom he had read about in a muggle book he had smuggled from the bookstore once. He was man who time was always chasing after (even if in Captain Hooks case, it was time encased in a crocodile), but his father wasn’t running from the time like Captain Hook had, he was simply letting it catch up to him, as if looking forward to the day it finally overcame him. (1)

Sirius’ brother Regulus was fragile, as though he were just about to break, and Sirius knew it wouldn’t be long before he either died or turned into his father. At least he has an excuse, he cant stand up to the abuse for much longer, unlike me…Sirius had always felt guilty for the fact that he could probably stand up to his parents, but didn’t, even though he had never fully been able to accept the fact that he would become one of them. He had always been so happy as himself, that was all, and he had never wanted anything to do with any of this mess that was called his family. How could they consider their existence a life? Lying and cheating each other out of fortunes, marrying cousins they didn’t love, never making any real friends… he wondered, sometimes, if all young men born into this lifestyle felt like this when they were young. He supposed it was school that changed most of them, surrounded by friends who would kill you for a galleon, which was incentive to become like his father.

Sirius walked calmly into the bathroom and threw up (which he had been doing often lately), before going outside and getting into his car with his father, who shut his pocket watch and began driving to Kings Cross station.

RSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRS

After sitting at the station alone for about an hour, he heard the last call. Finally he thought, for he was quite sick of hiding. He had been sitting in the bathroom of Kings Cross station from the moment he had been dropped off, hoping no one noticed him. At one point, he saw another boy with reddish blonde hair around his age go into the bathroom and sit in a stall for a very long time, and heard no movement in it as though the boy was also hiding. He found it comforting to know that someone else was reduced to hiding in bathroom stalls. He almost was about to go and talk to the boy when some boy he couldn’t get a glance at (he was going so fast) came running in and grabbed the other boy, pulling him out of the bathroom and off in another direction. He sighed; I almost did it, though. That must count for something. But he didn’t really think it did. If he at least tried to make friends outside of the family, then he might have a chance of surviving as himself. But he knew that if he allowed himself to make friends only with those who were already assumed to be his friends, people like Malfoy, Rosier, Knott, Crab, and Goyle, then he would have no chance at keeping that little part inside of him that wasn’t like the rest of his family. But as he heard the whistle blowing for last call, he knew that he was about to fail. He could just feel that he was about to lose the one last chance he had to separate himself from his family. The train ride. As simple as it may seem, it was the most crucial part of going to Hogwarts for him. If he made other friends, he might be able to keep them at school, might be able to quell those forces within himself that told him to become his father. Just maybe.

But as Sirius walked out of the bathroom, drug his trunks through the wall between platforms 9 and 10, and hauled himself and his possessions onto the train, all he could think was that he would no doubt lose this chance, all because of comfort. The comfort of sitting with friends he didn’t have to make, friends it would be almost impossible to lose as long as his family kept their fortune, friends he never had to worry about because, frankly, he didn’t care what happened to them at all.

Sirius could hear his own heart beating as he walked down the isles of the train, searching for either an empty compartment, or one full of those no doubt to soon be his friends planning on sitting in whichever one came firs. He found it interesting that he was taking such a passive role in his own future. He could be such a prat, and yet he couldn’t seem to help it. As he was looking in the 6^th compartment he had come across, he saw something that caught his eye. The boy he had seen briefly in the bathroom earlier was sitting in a compartment with a boy Sirius knew as James Potter, whose family was a traitor to the purebloods (he had heard his parents discussing the Potters many times). He stared at the boy for a couple of seconds, lost in huge amber eyes, before continuing down the isle. He found an empty compartment eventually, where he sat alone for only a few minutes until he was bombarded with what he assumed were his new friends. But even through their talk of summer, through them trying to get a silent Sirius to join in the conversation, all Sirius could do was stare out the window and dream of having a friend like the amber-eyed boy in the 6^th compartment.

AN: 1) this is a reference to Peter Pan, which you probably all got, and to the metaphoricalism of the clock in the stomach of the crocodile, which symbolizes time chasing after all of us, it’s stupid but I like it.

You got through the whole chapter! Yay! Good for you!

O, and my last chapter was supposed to be double spaced, but I cannot figure out how to do that! Could anyone tell me? I am so bad a using Fanfiction.net!

Everything Chapter 1

AN: this is my first fanfiction!

This story will be VERY long, but only if I get happy shiny reviews! It is all mainly slash pairings, and the first part will be Remus/Sirius and unrequited Sirius/James and some James/Lily. Oh, and also Severus/Lucius. It changes point of views. There will be no sex until they are older. Don’t worry, it isn’t THAT perverted. I will put up different warnings for each chapter but first of all:

WARNING: these characters and setting belong to JK Rowling. The plot only vaguely belongs to me. This is SLASH, if you don’t like it, go ahead and read it and tell me how disgusting it is. I LOVE getting reviews like that! (Not sarcasm I really do!)

Now on to the story!

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The sound of trains was not muffled at all by the walls of the bathroom. Remus sighed, he had been hoping he could forget everything but that didn’t seem to be able to happen. He was sitting atop a toilette seat, the cover down, with his feet curled up against him as he hugged them close to himself. He wasn’t unhappy, just overwhelmed. Completely overwhelmed.

When he had received the letter back in July, he thought it was a joke. It then occurred to him that no one would play a prank on him, he really wasn’t worth it. His father had cried, because his father really was quite a silly man, and his mother had started jumping up and down and screaming. He was perfectly aware that his parents were insane. He, however, had done nothing. Like always. He smiled at his mother, one of those pleasant smiles that don’t really give anything away and don’t really mean anything either. And then he had gone up to his room.

Hogwarts. A school. Not just any school, a school where normal people went. A school for people who didn’t turn in to mutant murderers once a month. He didn’t think he could do it. He clearly remembered saying he didn’t want to go, but then how did he end up here? Here at Kings Cross Station, approximately 50 yards from platform 9 ¾, where his parents were no doubt traumatizing other parents with stories about how intelligent and adorable their little son was. And a werewolf, Remus thought, I wonder what they would say if you told them I was also a werewolf. Not that him being a werewolf seemed to bother his parents particularly. They always treated him like he could be anything in the world. But that really didn’t change the fact that he had absolutely no friends at his muggle elementary school, didn’t change the fact that he had to bite his lip to keep from doing savage stupid things all the time. No, optimism didn’t change the fact that he had scars all over his torso, or that he was completely emotionless to around everyone else all the time.

Oh the curse of the pity party, he thought to himself. He was about to stand up and reluctantly make his way back to his parents, when someone knocked at his stall door. He froze.

“Hey, is anyone in there?” a voice called from right outside the stall.

Remus said nothing. I am in here, please, I am in here! He was screaming in his head. But he said nothing.

“Hellooooooooooooo” the voice called again, and then he saw the very top of a head, just the tips of wiry black hair, before a boy roughly his age slid underneath the door of the stall and stood up, facing him.

The boy looked like he was being attacked and slowly eaten by his own mop of curly black hair, and he was wearing glasses that were so smudged Remus was at a loss as to how the boy could see from him.

Overcoming his immediate shock quickly, the boy grinned wolfishly and held out his hand, “I am James, James Potter.”

Again Remus said nothing, however now it was not out of fright, but a mixture of shock and shyness. Remus’ silence, however, seemed to have no effect whatsoever on the boy, who stood, smiling brightly, for a few seconds more before grabbing Remus’ hand and hoisting him up. He was face to face with the grinning boy for a few seconds before they were off, out of the stall and the bathroom and then towards Remus’ parents, and a pair of equally silly looking adults who were unmistakably the rest of the Potters.

“Thank you James,” said Remus’ mother, as though she had known the boy her whole life. James then slipped his hand casually out of Remus’ and went to stand by his mother, joining the group of now 5 people who were staring expectantly at him.

Silence. And more silence. And then… “Oh goshers I forgot to tell him!” exclaimed James. Mrs. Potter sighed and rolled her eyes, leaving Remus in no doubt that forgetting was something James did quite often.

“The Potters are old friends of ours,” said Remus’ mother, interrupting the quick breath James had taken, obviously about to speak.

“This is their son James’ first year at Hogwarts too. And that means you’ll be sharing a dorm room!”

Everyone got those expectant looks back on their faces, and Remus, at a loss for anything to say (as he usually was) just gave a hesitant smile. Seeming to take that as an acceptance of friendship, James grabbed his hand again and dragged him towards the wall in between platforms 9 and 10, talking all the while about everything ranging from different kinds of bugs, to houses, to Quidditch teams.

Once they got to the train, their parents trailing delightedly behind them, James let go of Remus’ hand again and ran toward his mom, giving her a quick but tight hug, and then moving to his dad, who bent down and began to give him what Remus assumed were words of wisdom.

Remus headed over to his own father, who burst, as expected, into tears. His mother, rolling her eyes, bent down and gave him a quick squeeze.

“Now Remus,” she said knowingly, “don’t let them make fun of you, don’t tell them about your…um…issue, and make sure to see Dumbledore and see that your final arrangements are in order. Oh,” she added quickly, as the train was about to leave, “and make friends who don’t suck!” He stared, in awe of her weirdness for a moment, and then stumbled over to the train, hesitantly stepping into it. His trunks were then unceremoniously dumped upon him by his weeping father, and the train began to move. The door was shut. And suddenly he was on his way to Hogwarts, his father blowing him kisses as the train slowly gathered speed, Remus quickly moved away from the window, hoping that no one else had noticed.

Remus spent an awful lot of time walking up and down the rows of compartments, trying to find a completely empty one, and then sat down in it, careful placing his trunks underneath the seat. He gazed out the window for a moment, wondering at the thought that he had just actually actively tried not to make any friends, before the door was flung open and James threw himself inside, tossing his trunks every which way before hurling his own body upon the empty seat in directly in front of Remus. Remus simply stared at him. He wished he could say something, but he had a feeling that if he opened his mouth, something like “Gobbledygook!” would come out, so he merely bit his lip and hoped that James took this all as comfortable silence between friends and not uncomfortable silence between two people likely never to be friends.

“Do you like chocolate?” James asked suddenly, after about two minutes of complete silence.

Remus nodded, but, noticing that he had not actually said anything to the boy since he met him, he added, “Y-yes?” saying it so hesitantly it sounded almost like a question. James smiled.

“Words come out of your mouth some times!” He thought for a moment, screwing up his face, “Actually, only one word, are you capable of saying more than one word at a time?” He said it as though he was really curious, not as though he were mocking Remus. Remus was torn between relief that he was not being made fun of, and disappointment at the thought that the only friend he had made so far was one who thought that there were actually people in the world who could only say one word at a time.

“I-,” Remus began, but at that moment a boy passed by the outside of the compartment, peering in at Remus before passing by. “Who was that?” He asked James.

“Oh him,” James said knowingly. “That was Sirius Black.” And the way he said it gave Remus the feeling that Sirius Black was someone he was supposed to be afraid of. But for some reason, through the rest of the train ride, through James rambling on and on about Quidditch (which Remus did not at all understand), and even through the entrance of a small blonde boy who finally gave James the human interaction he seemed to be craving, Remus thought only of the face of one Sirius Black.

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Yeah, so I posted this on fanfiction.net. It is horrible writing, but I am so very proud of myself for writing a fanfiction finally! Yay! I have already written Chapter 2, so I will post that shortly after this! I know I have lost most of my readers to my absence, and to them I apologize. I just had a very stressful school year and all. Well, thanks to all of you who are still reading!