Everything Chapter 2

AN: New chapter! This chapter is not very good, but whatever. If I make up to 4 chapters, I will make a better plot summary and full pairings list. I am trying to keep this all as cannon as possible, so if you notice anything, I would really really like to know! Oh, and I am sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.

I love reviews! I hardly get any, but when I do they make me dance! (Which is rare)

WARNINGS: Slash, if you don’t like, read and tell me you think it is disgusting. I love reviews like that! And I don’t own anything, if I did, I wouldn’t have to watch Keira Knightly from afar, I could simply BUY her!

Sirius was not happy. Well, he had never really been happy, but now especially. His mother was standing by the front door, tapping her foot, while his father was sitting in his car, no doubt watching the seconds tick by on his pocket watch. Seconds and seconds of disappointment. Tick tick tick. It all made Sirius want to vomit. He was going away from all this! All of it! Then why wasn’t he happier? Because he knew what was going to happen once that hat shouted “Slytherin!” - He was going to become his father. Just like him. He looked into Regulus’ room, the door of which was cracked open slightly. He was still sleeping. Sirius sighed, lazy bones.

Sirius had never really been a part of his family. Not that this was much to boast about, he would like to see anyone really be a part of this family. His mother spent half her time sleeping around and the other half screaming at him and his brother, while his father didn’t spend enough time with his children to do anything at all to them. All his father seemed interested in doing was sitting alone in his study, staring at his pocket watch as time slowly ticked by. He reminded Sirius of a character called Captain Hook, whom he had read about in a muggle book he had smuggled from the bookstore once. He was man who time was always chasing after (even if in Captain Hooks case, it was time encased in a crocodile), but his father wasn’t running from the time like Captain Hook had, he was simply letting it catch up to him, as if looking forward to the day it finally overcame him. (1)

Sirius’ brother Regulus was fragile, as though he were just about to break, and Sirius knew it wouldn’t be long before he either died or turned into his father. At least he has an excuse, he cant stand up to the abuse for much longer, unlike me…Sirius had always felt guilty for the fact that he could probably stand up to his parents, but didn’t, even though he had never fully been able to accept the fact that he would become one of them. He had always been so happy as himself, that was all, and he had never wanted anything to do with any of this mess that was called his family. How could they consider their existence a life? Lying and cheating each other out of fortunes, marrying cousins they didn’t love, never making any real friends… he wondered, sometimes, if all young men born into this lifestyle felt like this when they were young. He supposed it was school that changed most of them, surrounded by friends who would kill you for a galleon, which was incentive to become like his father.

Sirius walked calmly into the bathroom and threw up (which he had been doing often lately), before going outside and getting into his car with his father, who shut his pocket watch and began driving to Kings Cross station.

RSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRS

After sitting at the station alone for about an hour, he heard the last call. Finally he thought, for he was quite sick of hiding. He had been sitting in the bathroom of Kings Cross station from the moment he had been dropped off, hoping no one noticed him. At one point, he saw another boy with reddish blonde hair around his age go into the bathroom and sit in a stall for a very long time, and heard no movement in it as though the boy was also hiding. He found it comforting to know that someone else was reduced to hiding in bathroom stalls. He almost was about to go and talk to the boy when some boy he couldn’t get a glance at (he was going so fast) came running in and grabbed the other boy, pulling him out of the bathroom and off in another direction. He sighed; I almost did it, though. That must count for something. But he didn’t really think it did. If he at least tried to make friends outside of the family, then he might have a chance of surviving as himself. But he knew that if he allowed himself to make friends only with those who were already assumed to be his friends, people like Malfoy, Rosier, Knott, Crab, and Goyle, then he would have no chance at keeping that little part inside of him that wasn’t like the rest of his family. But as he heard the whistle blowing for last call, he knew that he was about to fail. He could just feel that he was about to lose the one last chance he had to separate himself from his family. The train ride. As simple as it may seem, it was the most crucial part of going to Hogwarts for him. If he made other friends, he might be able to keep them at school, might be able to quell those forces within himself that told him to become his father. Just maybe.

But as Sirius walked out of the bathroom, drug his trunks through the wall between platforms 9 and 10, and hauled himself and his possessions onto the train, all he could think was that he would no doubt lose this chance, all because of comfort. The comfort of sitting with friends he didn’t have to make, friends it would be almost impossible to lose as long as his family kept their fortune, friends he never had to worry about because, frankly, he didn’t care what happened to them at all.

Sirius could hear his own heart beating as he walked down the isles of the train, searching for either an empty compartment, or one full of those no doubt to soon be his friends planning on sitting in whichever one came firs. He found it interesting that he was taking such a passive role in his own future. He could be such a prat, and yet he couldn’t seem to help it. As he was looking in the 6^th compartment he had come across, he saw something that caught his eye. The boy he had seen briefly in the bathroom earlier was sitting in a compartment with a boy Sirius knew as James Potter, whose family was a traitor to the purebloods (he had heard his parents discussing the Potters many times). He stared at the boy for a couple of seconds, lost in huge amber eyes, before continuing down the isle. He found an empty compartment eventually, where he sat alone for only a few minutes until he was bombarded with what he assumed were his new friends. But even through their talk of summer, through them trying to get a silent Sirius to join in the conversation, all Sirius could do was stare out the window and dream of having a friend like the amber-eyed boy in the 6^th compartment.

AN: 1) this is a reference to Peter Pan, which you probably all got, and to the metaphoricalism of the clock in the stomach of the crocodile, which symbolizes time chasing after all of us, it’s stupid but I like it.

You got through the whole chapter! Yay! Good for you!

O, and my last chapter was supposed to be double spaced, but I cannot figure out how to do that! Could anyone tell me? I am so bad a using Fanfiction.net!